"Resentments only harm the one harboring them!"
10. At all times, seek to understand than to be understood, and be quick to forgive not holding unnecessary grudges.
Have you ever heard the saying, “don’t judge unless you walk a mile in their shoes!” The times in my life when I was on the receiving end of this saying, I was most likely not acting in my best form in relation to others. It is a saying that reveals that you really do not fully understand someone on the judgments that you are making toward them. All of us are guilty of this. So, why do we do this? Why do we not try and fully understand a person’s situation in regard to our work, friends, and family relationships.
I can’t speak for everyone about why we do this, but I would say that if we are trying to prove a point, like I’m right and you are wrong, then I’m seeking to be understood. Also, we get hung up on the “if only’ s.”
- If only people would do things the way I see them then this world would be a better place.
- If only this co-worker would act this way or that way.
- If only I got that promotion.
- If only I didn’t say those things.
All the “if only” statements in life are vain reflections of times we thought we were misunderstood. This is driven by selfish ambition, pride and ego, and fear. To walk in someone’s shoes from a logical point of view is not truly walking in their shoes and it is not truly understanding them. If you walk a mile in someone’s shoes you are going to feel their pain. You will feel their discomfort, and fears. You may even see a glimpse of what it feels like to have low self-worth or a low self-image. It is something that is quite difficult to do, and it requires great courage to do it. If you seek to walk in another person’s shoes, then you will be seeking to understand.
Many of us also think we do understand before making a sound judgement. If so, my hats off to you. To understand is a practice that needs an attitude of intention, empathy, compassion, and transparency. Without these ingredients it can be quite difficult.
Next, forgiveness is one of the most powerful weapons at your disposal. Unfortunately, when it comes to office politics and other relationships, at home or work, it acts as a ticking time bomb. To not forgive someone is to allow that person to live “rent free” in that space between your ears. There are many reasons we hold resentments. Some of them, we think, are valid because of the harm that was imposed on us. The truth is, there is no resentment that is valid. There is no resentment that is justified. The reason is because resentments only harm the one harboring them. It acts like a cancer and slowly chips away at your soul. It also grows into other resentments and eventually cascades out of control.
I have held resentments in my life and the most powerful thing I could do with those is to forgive those who harmed me. If you hold resentments and truly want to find a path to forgiveness, then be prepared to see your life transform before your eyes. It is truly a freeing experience.
Learn to forgive and you will find forgiveness. There is a famous prayer that I love. In fact, it is one that I practice praying every day. The prayer was written by Saint Francis of Assisi.
LORD, make me a channel of Your peace,
That where there is hatred, I may bring love,
where there is discord, I may bring harmony,
where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness,
where there is error, I may bring truth,
where there is doubt, I may bring faith,
where there is despair, I may bring hope,
where there are shadows, I may bring light.
where there is sadness, I may bring joy,
LORD, I pray to comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to be understood, to give than to receive, and to love than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven, and it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Seek to understand and learn to forgive. If you pursue these things from a loving, compassionate heart you will not have to worry about the other 9 commandments of the workplace. You could follow them effortlessly.